When I was young I remember wrapping up in a blanket and driving out to the Diamond Valley exit to watch the St. George Marathoners run down the highway. I was in awe that they could run that far. It was almost unfathomable and I knew it was something I could never do.

A couple years ago Miles and I ran a half marathon together while living in California. After the race we declared there was no way we’d ever run a full marathon, the training was just too big of a commitment. But our appetite for achievement got the best of us and in April of this year we entered the STG Marathon lottery, thinking it was unlikely we’d get in anyway. But we did. So se started training.

We found the least intense schedule to follow knowing that our goal was simply to finish hopefully running most of the way. The training wasn’t too time consuming at first so we just traded off watching the kids. As we went on though, finding a babysitter for our long-runs on Saturdays became difficult. Many of those long runs were scheduled for after the kids were in bed. It was easier to find sitters for the evenings since not many people would be willing to babysit at 5am. Our 20-miler was from 8pm-12 midnight.

The week before the marathon I came down with a cold that turned into a sinus infection. I got on an antibiotic as soon as I could in hopes of being better for the big day. I was frustrated with the fact that running while sick was not possible. I was anxious and not running made me nervous.

We drove to St. George on Thursday. On Friday we spent time with my family, picked up our packets, visited the expo, had a lasagna dinner and got about 5 hours of sleep—more than expected.

Everything the morning of the marathon went smoothly. I ate a bagel with peanut butter and a banana and washed it down with Gatorade. Then had a breakfast drink about an hour before the race.

It was so exciting at the starting line. We were looking forward to a great day.

The first 7 miles were great. Veyo hill wasn’t that bad. The 3 mile incline after the hill was more difficult in my opinion.

It was right about mile 9 or 10 that everything changed. At first my tummy felt a little bloated and liquid was sloshing around inside. It also felt like I had gulped down a bunch of air. It was also strange because when I’d cough my throat was dry so I just kept taking more beverage to stay hydrated.

I was becoming miserable very quickly. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I’d never had these symptoms during my training. I started crying from hopelessness at about mile 15. At this point all I wanted to do was throw up. I wan’t nauseous, I just felt like I needed to get all the sloshy liquid out of me. I was relieved at mile 17 when about a gallon of liquid gushed out of my mouth (sorry for the graphic details). I felt infinitely better for about .5 miles until I started feeling extremely thirsty. But I couldn’t stand the thought of warm lemon-lime Gatorade. All I could think about was getting water.

It was right about now that I went to a different place. Sometimes women will describe something similar during labor when the pain is so unbearable that they somehow remove themselves. How in the world was I going to go 10 more miles!? This was also the point when the entire race changed for me. It really did become just about finishing. Finishing would be a miracle.

I was grateful at about mile 21 when I threw up again. I was amazed again at how much came up since I was just so thirsty! At one point after the water station we had walked quite a ways and Miles turned around and ran an extra half mile or so to get me more water. People looked at him like he was crazy. He was so incredible and supportive. He stayed with me the entire time and encouraged me the whole way. The last few miles I was completely dehydrated. I wouldn’t let go of my water cup which meant we had to walk a lot. I got up the motivation and the energy to run the last stretch across the finish line. It felt anticlimactic.

We came in at 5:18—a full hour longer than I was hoping for. But I finished. The blessing Miles gave me the night before meant something different after the race than it did at the starting line. In the blessing I was told I would be “given the strength to do it.” As disappointed as I’ve been over the whole experience I think I would have been distraught if I was unable to finish at all.

I’ve done some reading on GI distress and it sounds like this was likely what happened to me. But I’m still confused about what I did wrong to have brought this on or what I could have done to help relieve it during the race, if anything.

People have asked me if I’ll do another marathon. Do I give up in frustration or try to figure out what happened that day and prove that I can do better?

I just don’t know yet.

Today at the breakfast table I was talking to Lincoln about the First Vision, when Joseph Smith saw God the Father and his son Jesus Christ. Afterward, Link asked me “Where’d Jesus go?” I tried to explain to him that Jesus was in heaven with Heavenly Father and that the Holy Ghost is here with us now. Well, he got a little hung up of the word “ghost.” He was uneasy when I told him the Holy Ghost is always with us.

Then tonight when I was rocking him to sleep he nervously kept asking about the Holy Ghost. Again, seeing that my earlier efforts didn’t set his mind at ease, I tried to explain that the Holy Ghost is nice and that we can’t see him but we feel him in our heart when we are happy.

When I laid him down to sleep he asked, “Holy Ghost in my tummy?” (meaning his heart). Then he asked where Daddy went (to a Church meeting) and if the Holy Ghost went with him. I told him I sure hope so!

Link is playing quietly in the other room, so I thought I’d take the chance to write up a few more details about what’s going on with us. I’m sure many of our friends and family members are super confused! Heck, we’re really not sure about anything ourselves! Mostly, this is for Claire.

One week ago, I had an appointment with my midwife in California. So a couple days before, Lincoln and I packed up and drove to St. George. My sister had kindly offered to watch Link while just my mom and I ran down to Irvine for my appointment. While there, with the help of some wonderful friends, we packed up the remainder of our stuff (we had left a few things thinking Link and I would be camping out there for a couple weeks) and were planning to return to St. George the next day. The appointment went well, but to our surprise, after she checked me, the midwife told me I was “on the brink of having this baby.” I was soft and would go sooner rather than later. Oh, and in addition, she stripped my membranes without asking. I was like, whoa, we’re gonna have this baby soon! We went ahead and scheduled an induction date for June 10, but again the midwife commented that she didn’t think I’d make it until then.

After some prayer, Miles and I decided it would still be okay if I returned to St. George the next day, though we weren’t certain if going all the way home to Herriman was a good idea. So the next day (Saturday) my mom and I headed for St. George, wading through the Memorial Day weekend traffic. We spent the night in St. George. I was really pushing to go home at this point, but Miles was still hesitant. I planned to leave Sunday morning, but then my mom offered to give us their piano. She thought this was a good opportunity to get it loaded and have my little brother, Danny, drive it up on his way to EFY. So we waited to gather my dad and brothers to load it onto the trailer. This didn’t happen until about 5:00pm. So by 6:00 we were finally ready to go. I was anxious to just get home!

WARNING in the next line there will be some graphic detail . . .

While taking my last potty stop before leaving, I found just a little mucus on the toilet paper. I consulted my sister, and she agreed it was probably the beginning of my cervical mucus plug. In case you didn’t know, mucus plug is a technical term! I went back to the bathroom just to check again, and sure enough, I found my mucus plug.

Now, you’ll need a little background information to see why finding my mucus plug was so profound. My labor with Link went like this: I had a few contractions, found my mucus plug, an hour later my water broke which put me into full active labor. Miles and I had agreed beforehand that if I found my plug he would immediately jump on a plane and meet me in California. So, feeling very nervous that I’d be laboring intensely in the car, my mom and I headed back to Irvine. We did keep in mind that Vegas and Barstow have hospitals.

Miles got a ride to the airport from the High Priest group leader. He arrived at the airport at 7:00pm, told them his wife was in labor and had him in first class on the 7:45 flight. He made it to Irvine hours before we did!

Luckily, in the car I only had some menstral-like cramping and early labor contractions once in awhile. So we got there with no problem. We set up our air mattresses in the empty apartment and hoped to get a good night’s rest. But we got more than we hoped for. The early labor had stopped by morning. But we were still optimistic. We planned a day with lots of walking. We went to the mall and bought an outfit to take maternity pictures in at the beach. The menstral cramping and early contractions continued for the remainder of the day. But by the time we returned to our apartment that late afternoon, I felt very discouraged that active labor had not started. So, while my mom and Miles napped, I knelt down beside the air mattress and prayed to know what in the world I should do. It just wasn’t possible to hang out in California for a week. Literally as soon as I ended my prayer, my phone rang. It was my good friend Bridget, who just so happens to be a doula! She was returning my call from Friday and had no idea any of this was happening. This was undoubtedly an answer to my prayer!

Bridget and I discussed my predicament, and she offered an idea I never would have thought of. She suggested I have the midwife check me again and possibly augment the labor. Well, because Kaiser works a little differently I couldn’t just call up my midwife so we decided to go into the hospital to be checked by the midwife who was on duty. It was here that we got some disappointing news. I hadn’t progressed at all since my Friday appointment! Are you kidding me? And because I was still only 37 1/2 weeks along, they couldn’t augment/induce me—which we totally understood. Making sure the baby is strong and healthy is the most important thing!

Alright, it was time to just go home. Screw Kaiser (pardon my language) if they don’t cover the emergency delivery. We still haven’t been able to get a straight forward answer about whether or not they would cover the delivery if I’m admitted through the emergency room, even after talking to the claims department and membership services multiple times. Being away from each other and our home just became too much. We shouldn’t have to deal with all of this crap.

That night, Miles was able to give me a very comforting priesthood blessing. In it, I was told I didn’t need to worry, and that I would not have the baby traveling home. We packed up AGAIN, and headed back to Utah. This time we picked up Link in St. George and drove all the way home. It is so good to be all together at home again.

We continue to wait. I feel like I’ve been in early labor for a week now. I’m learning a lesson in patience. We are so anxious to welcome this little girl into our family. To be continued. . .

So our life has been a major roller-coaster lately. I’ve been dreading this, but I’m about to report the WHOLE story. I’ll be incredibly impressed if anyone makes it through the entire post. That’s a challenge!

So about this time last year, Miles and I found ourselves sitting in bed talking about the possibility of Miles not continuing his PhD in biology. He had come to the realization that he just wasn’t passionate about/ obsessed enough over it. In case you didn’t know, a person has to be absolutely in love with something to devote 6+ years of their life to it. Two years into the program and Miles found himself already dreading going into the lab each day.

So what now? Well if you’ve spent more than 20 minutes in a conversation with Miles, you’re sure to know what he is passionate about. Computers. Apple. Programming. Problem solving. There was just one problem. He didn’t have any formal training in computers whatsoever. He was self-taught. He’d done a few websites here and there. And he sure spent a lot of time on the internet learning about different programming languages etc. But really in the end, he didn’t have much to show for it. So yeah, I was scared. I let Miles know my insecurities, but in the end, I knew he was not happy and that this career change needed to happen. So we started praying. A lot. And we went forward.

Miles dedicated the next few months to strengthening his resume. He checked out books from the library and continued learning. It reminded me a lot of my dad who built two homes by basically reading how-to manuals.

Then the tedious job search began. Applications, cover letters, resumes. Yuck! And it took awhile for Miles to nail down exactly what jobs he should apply for. But then a miracle happened. He got a phone interview! This was before Thanksgiving. They liked him and gave him a project which he worked on until 2:00am every morning for a couple weeks. To make a very long and drawn-out story a little shorter, after a couple more interviews, in March they flew Miles out to North Carolina for and in-person interview. I paid my own way and went along too. I devoted the couple days to looking at the area and checking out places to live. We thought for sure we’d leave with an offer on the table.

Well, we flew home, still confident, but without an offer. A few days after getting home they emailed us a less-than desirable offer. The bummer was that they weren’t offering benefits. But after some thought, we decided we could make it work. We prayed about it and felt good about accepting the offer. Actually how we felt was that it was a good offer but that there would be others. But since we didn’t have any other offers in the works, we’d be crazy not to take this one. But instead of receiving a updated offer letter, we received a two-lined email stating that they decided not to renew the offer. That there’d been a question about Miles’ commitment to the company. What the?! We had no idea what they were talking about! This was such a blow. It hurt a lot. Miles sent a very lengthy letter the the owner of the company trying to clear up any miscommunication. After they reviewed his letter, they responded by saying they just didn’t think Miles was a good fit.

So after months of being in the interview process with this company, and applying to many others, we were back at square one. We started again, only this time we were looking to be much closer to home. North Carolina was really far, and it put some things into perspective. So more applications, resumes, interviews. This time though, three separate companies asked to interview Miles: one local company; one in Littleton, CO; and one in Riverton, UT.

It seemed we’d struck gold. Miles had three interviews with the company here in Irvine. And we actually got an offer from the company in Littleton. When we got the offer, however, we were in Utah where Miles was interviewing for a Database Engineer position for the LDS Church.

He’d applied for the job with the Church thinking he was very under qualified. Which he was. In fact, during the phone interview he was told so. But they still wanted to meet him. They said they saw potential.

The interview went well. And we were very hopeful! This would be a great opportunity for growth. And there’s no doubt that Miles indeed does have the potential to do very well. We wanted this position. My family wanted us to get this position because we’d only be a few hours away. We were so grateful when my mom told us my family would be fasting and praying for Miles to get the job. Well, God heard our prayers. The next day, Miles got a phone call informing him that they’d like to hire him with a start date of May 17th. Nothing short of a miracle!

We are so thrilled! But as we learned from our experience with the NC peeps, it’s not official until it’s official. So just today we heard the details of the offer. Great salary and benefits! Who could ask for more?

Only one problem. Remember how I’m supposed to have a baby mid-June? Well the benefits don’t kick in until July 1. Now this complicates things beyond belief!

I currently have a private plan through Kaiser Permanente. Utah doesn’t have Kaiser. I cannot buy into an other individual plan because pregnancy is considered a pre-existing condition. Blah. We do not qualify for medicaid assistance even though here in California we are living in poverty. So that leaves us paying out of pocket. Maybe not too big of a deal if everything goes perfectly. But that’s a big risk. We could be paying tens of thousands of dollars if I need a c-section, not to mention all the other possible complications.

So where does that leave us? In a very hard situation. We’ve come up with two “solutions.”

1. Link and I stay in California and Miles moves up to Utah to start his job. This would mean me taking care of Link by myself for a month, risking Miles not being here for the birth of the baby (would probably ask the doctor about induction to decrease this risk), paying double rent, and trying to move with a newborn by myself since Miles will have to be back at work.

2. We move together up to Utah as planned. I stay in Riverton and get things settled for a couple weeks. Drive down to St. George to stay with family for a week (it’s 4 hours closer to the Kaiser Hospital), then the final week I’d stay in a friend’s apartment while they are out of town. This would mean I’d pay for prenatal visits out of pocket, we’d still be risking Miles not being there for the birth, and I’d have to travel back up to Utah with a 2-day old.

So neither option is a good option. I hate to say it but our current health care system here in America sucks!

As my grandma said, we’re going to need to talk to the Lord about this one. Indeed!

I welcome any thoughts/ advice. Maybe there’s something we haven’t thought of?